Amy's thoughts on Emma

Monday, November 24, 2008

Precious Angel: Emma Grace McKinney 11/9/08-11/23/08
I find myself up again in the wee hours of the morning. I didn't think I would have the strength to post any blogs tonight, but right now seems like the most appropriate time. As everyone may know, Emma Grace McKinney, went home to be with her heavenly father and her beloved brother this evening.
I am not sure what there is to possibly say to make myself feel better, to make sense of this, or to inspire anyone. I have become a childless mother and I am not sure how to cope with that. I am very angry right now and I am so devistated that my heart feels as if it is no longer apart of me. Emma was my last shred of strength and now I have lost her. I don't know what to do.
I suppose the Neonatalogist who took care of Emma and Josh both said it best. Our children are only on loan to us. They are a blessing from God whether they are with us 10 days, 2 weeks or 50 years. They are God's heritage. Our role is to love them without reserve and to teach them the love of the Lord. Then, when he says it is time to come home; we need to allow them to do so. I pray that all the Mom's who read about my babies, will remember this. Love your children as if there were no tomorrow and lead them to God. Those are the two most important gifts that you will ever give your children.
Another thought that has helped me today. God knows what it is like to lose a child. He sent his only begotten son so that we may not perish but have everlasting life. Jesus was born on to this earth perfect and left this earth perfect. My children never knew sin and I believe that they were perfect. I am not trying to compare my children to Jesus, but it is comforting to know that God knows how I feel and I know he is rejoicing in the return of my two perfect angels. I also know that he understands my need to mourn for them right now.
A good friend of mine reminded me of a qoute that I use to have posted on my page. "I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Emma and Josh were my 30 minutes and I am so thankful that God allowed me my time with these two miracles. They have each blessed me in different ways and they will always be with me!!!
My baby girl opened her eyes today for the first time and she closed them for the last. I sat by her bedside as they attempted time after time to resesitate her. There is nothing more painful than to see your children hurt and know there is nothing you can do. I simply held her hand and as she faught a battle far more difficult than I ever will. Then, when the time came, I held my baby girl. I rocked her, kissed her and loved her with every ounce that remained in my body. She may have left me for now, but I know that I will be reunuted with her and Josh both when I go home to be with all the ones who have gone before me. Emma knew that her brother had gone on and she was not ready to be without him. They were together long before they joined me and they need each other just as much as I need them.
I love you Emma!!! Thank you for being my Daughter!!!
Love and Prayers to All
Amy