Friday, November 28, 2008

Our Thanksgiving Trip

I will forewarn you that this post contains LOTS of pictures... Some of the spacing is really funky, me and blogger don't always get along when it comes to spacing... sorry

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! We headed down to Mom's house where we spent part of the weekend with her and David and Leda. We had a great time!






Unfortunately, our day started at 4:45 am when Jackson decided that he just needed to be awake. It meant that we were up and ready to go...(with Jackson not wanting to have his picture taken... who wouldn't want to have there picture taken before 7:00 in the morning?!)




And Caroline was till snoozing away.




She woke up and we left for Nany's house. With NO traffic on the road we made good time and started our Thanksgiving festivities.





No doubt, Miss Caroline was dressed for the ocassion. Because of the colors in her outfit, without a bow in her hair you couldn't tell if she was a boy or a girl.



She loves all the attention she gets from everyone




Before we ate dinner we watched an old video about the first Thanksgiving. Jackson had fun helping "Uncle Dadip" set up the VCR so we could watch the tape.


Jackson loves taking walks on his Nanay's sidewalk, so we spent some time doing that before dinner, also. He is such a big boy!



Then came dinner...and dessert.


We ate, and ate, and ate, and ate. And then ate some more. We had ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, corn, green beans, stuffing, jello salad and rolls. And the desserts went on and on... blackberry cobbler and ice cream, pumpkin cheesecake, brownies, cookies, popcorn treats, scotcheroos and BYU mint brownies. I never went to BYU but these brownies made me want to!



Speaking of eating... here is a video of Caroline with her first taste of Jell-o salad...

video

Isn't that cute?!





And Jackson eating the frosting off his sugar cookie


After dinner we made a 'thankful turkey'. We all wrote down what we are thankful for on feathers and made our turkey. It kind of looks like a peacock, but still cute. Thanks for the idea, Leda!





We decided to take some family pictures since we were all in our pretty matching colors for the holiday...



Did you notice how in both sets of pictures, Jackson is messing with Caroline in the first one? He loves his baby sister!


Friday morning came VERY early once again and Jackon had fun looking at Nanay's tree while everyone elase was still sleeping...



Align Center
Being "soff" wih the ornaments





Mom collects nutcrackers and over the last several years her sisters have gotten her the characters from "Wizard of Oz" Jackson loved getting down and looking at them and learning all their names. He kept calling the tin man a robot. He liked the witch most of all! (I wonder if he has been over-exposed to "Wicked" and realizes that she's not so bad after all. :) )


We had a wonderful time, but its always nice to get home and watch cartoons !





First Snow...

...if you can call it that...

We woke up the other morning having received a light dusting of snow that was gone as soon as the sun came up.

Pathetic... I know
You want to know what else is pathetic?
These are all the clothes I gathered and brought to Goodwill last week:


This is the way my closet still looked afterward:

Do you think I have a 'clothes-buying' problem? Or maybe just a 'not a big enough closet' problem. I like to think the latter! :)



"Haircut, Mama"

Not the words you want to hear from your two-year-old as he's walking out of your bathroom, apparently having found a beard trimmer you didn't even know was there.

Looks good, huh?!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I am Thankful!!!

My heart is so full of gratitude today, I am so blessed and have so much to be grateful for!

My husband... he is so good to me and is such a wonderful father to our children. He works hard to take care of us and never hesitates to lighten my load when he comes home after a long, busy day at work. I couldn't do it without him. I love you, honey!!!

My children... the events of the last week or so have caused me a great deal of heartache, but have also caused me to hug my babies a little tighter, to hold them a little longer, and not so quick to anger or frustration. How thankful I am for strong, healthy, beautiful babies. I am so enormously grateful for the sealing power of the preisthood, for the knowledge that I have that my children are mine forever. That fact alone gives me a great deal of comfort.

Cameron's job... during this time of economic crisis I am so grateful for Cameron's job... that he is able to support us enough for me to stay home with our children.

I feel like these things go without saying, but I am grateful for clothes, food, shelter, car, etc... I may not be as materially blessed as some, but I am grateful beyond words for the material things I do have, I know I have so much more than others. It is so easy to take such things for granted, and at this time I am so grateful for these things.

Other silly "little" things that I am grateful for every day...

-my kids being so happy to see me in the morning
-cold cereal and milk
-Noggin (it drives me nuts but Jackson loves it and that makes me happy)
-blogging
-digital cameras
-febreeze
-gas prices
-toy cars
-baby girl headbands
-foam pillows and down comforters

I'm so glad this season gives us time to reflect on all our blessings...



Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A Grandmother's Tribute

Amy's mother, Charlotte, wrote a touching tribute to Emma, as she had done for Josh. It is really beautiful, and I wanted to share it with you...


My mother wrote a warming tribute for Joshua, and she has also done one for Emma. I wanted to share it with everyone, because she says all the things that I cannot and the things that i have forgotten to.

Emma Grace McKinney
November 9, 2008 - November 23, 2008

Emma Grace McKinney was a beautiful child. For one of her ultrasound pictures, the nurses got the most beautiful picture of her. It made me stare in amazement because her little face was so beautiful and perfect. I know that I am prejudiced, being her grandmother, but I noticed that other people had the same reaction when they saw it! There is an old timey saying, " Beautiful is as beautiful does," and I believe that Emma exemplified this in her short but shining life with us.
While Emma was in her mom's womb, she found herself in the lower position. And she was very content to spend her time nestled there, except when she was playing with her little brother or kicking her mom. When time came to get heartbeats or other ultrasounds, she was always willing to share her information with the technicians. They could always pick up her strong little heart beat easily. Once they had a hard time finding Josh's and then realized that she was laying right next to him. Their little hearts were in perfect sync.
Emma continued to bless her parents and brother with her grace. Her birth was much easier for her and she seemed to do quite well for a long time. She appeared peaceful and cheerful in her new surroundings. At the same time, she definitely knew what she liked and didn't like, and would let the nursing staff at both hospitals know right away that they should just leave her alone and all would be just fine. Emma Grace gained six ounces over the course of two weeks. She even got to dine on some of her mom's milk!
Emma loved her little brother very much. When Josh became ill and was moved to Brenner's, Emma began to show some signs of distress. When they moved her next to him, she began to thrive again. She, too, had a major surgery but she came through it with flying colors. The doctors even gave her parents better than a 50-50 chance that she could come home. But the link between Emma and Josh was too strong. (The doctor told Amy that this all too often happens with twins.) After Josh left, Emma began to go down hill for no apparent reason. She did manage to open her little blue eyes on that last afternoon so that she could see her parents' beautiful faces. The doctos have no real idea what happened with Emma . There was no apparent physical cause. They said that it just "happened a lot with babies so tiny."
I believe that Emma just loved her brother so much ans was in such perfect sync with him that she knew what she had to do. And God agreed that it was the right thing to do. For doesn't the Bible tell us that to give up our life for another is the greatest reward that we can receive in Heaven? I believe so fully that Emma and Josh were not just little tiny babies but such incredibly wise and caring and loving people that we can never truly understand it all, and we won't until we too are in Heaven.
It is incredibly precious and sweet for me to know that Emma and Josh are both together and will never experience the great sadnesses that we do here on Earth. For there is no sadness in Heaven, nor sickness, nor poverty, nor disease nor death. So many of us felt anger at her passing, and such great sadness, but I know that Emma is now wanting to share her grace and great love for us now and in the years to come. She and Josh will always be in our hearts. I know that they both know this. And they both know what truly loving parents they both had in Amy and Ryan. Bless you Emma, for your sweet grace and example of the ultimate unselfishness for all our lives.

More from Amy...
I recieved a poem today from a friend at work and it gave me a little peace with the situation at hand. Though I know, it will be a long time until I can deal with the loss of my two perfect babies,
I feel like God gave her this to give to me.

I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine, He said. For you to love while she lives, and mourn when she is dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three. But will you, till I call for her back, take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you, and shall her stay be brief, you'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return. But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.


I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love, nor think the labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call, to take her back again?
I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, Thy will be done. For all the joy thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may; and for the happiness we've known, we'll ever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we planned, we'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
Author Unknown

Monday, November 24, 2008

My Dearest Friend Amy

My heart is breaking for my dear friends, Amy and Ryan. As a mother I cannot imagine what they are going through. Amy and I have been through sooooo much together and I find myself feeling very helpless. There is nothing I can do or say to make her hurt or anger go away. All I can do is be here for her and let her know of my love and support.

I am so grateful she is my friend, and for the opportunity to know her sweet babies, Emma and Josh. I hate that it was for so short a time, but those were special spirits... everyone whose life they touched was left a different person.

My heart is so full... I have had two conversations with my friend that I never could have imagined we would've had. She is the strongest person I know, through all her loss she has always managed to keep her chin up and be a strength to those around her. I only hope that I can somehow be a strength to her through this difficult time.

Amy, I love you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to participate in Josh's beautiful service... it was an experience I will never forget. Please know I am here for you. You are continually in my thoughts and prayers!


Amy's thoughts on Emma

Monday, November 24, 2008

Precious Angel: Emma Grace McKinney 11/9/08-11/23/08
I find myself up again in the wee hours of the morning. I didn't think I would have the strength to post any blogs tonight, but right now seems like the most appropriate time. As everyone may know, Emma Grace McKinney, went home to be with her heavenly father and her beloved brother this evening.
I am not sure what there is to possibly say to make myself feel better, to make sense of this, or to inspire anyone. I have become a childless mother and I am not sure how to cope with that. I am very angry right now and I am so devistated that my heart feels as if it is no longer apart of me. Emma was my last shred of strength and now I have lost her. I don't know what to do.
I suppose the Neonatalogist who took care of Emma and Josh both said it best. Our children are only on loan to us. They are a blessing from God whether they are with us 10 days, 2 weeks or 50 years. They are God's heritage. Our role is to love them without reserve and to teach them the love of the Lord. Then, when he says it is time to come home; we need to allow them to do so. I pray that all the Mom's who read about my babies, will remember this. Love your children as if there were no tomorrow and lead them to God. Those are the two most important gifts that you will ever give your children.
Another thought that has helped me today. God knows what it is like to lose a child. He sent his only begotten son so that we may not perish but have everlasting life. Jesus was born on to this earth perfect and left this earth perfect. My children never knew sin and I believe that they were perfect. I am not trying to compare my children to Jesus, but it is comforting to know that God knows how I feel and I know he is rejoicing in the return of my two perfect angels. I also know that he understands my need to mourn for them right now.
A good friend of mine reminded me of a qoute that I use to have posted on my page. "I would rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special." Emma and Josh were my 30 minutes and I am so thankful that God allowed me my time with these two miracles. They have each blessed me in different ways and they will always be with me!!!
My baby girl opened her eyes today for the first time and she closed them for the last. I sat by her bedside as they attempted time after time to resesitate her. There is nothing more painful than to see your children hurt and know there is nothing you can do. I simply held her hand and as she faught a battle far more difficult than I ever will. Then, when the time came, I held my baby girl. I rocked her, kissed her and loved her with every ounce that remained in my body. She may have left me for now, but I know that I will be reunuted with her and Josh both when I go home to be with all the ones who have gone before me. Emma knew that her brother had gone on and she was not ready to be without him. They were together long before they joined me and they need each other just as much as I need them.
I love you Emma!!! Thank you for being my Daughter!!!
Love and Prayers to All
Amy

Emma Grace McKinney

November 9, 2008 - November 23, 2008

I hate to have to share such sad news, but sweet Emma passed away yesterday evening.

I am so grateful for the opportunity I had to know Emma and Josh for however short a time, and so grateful for the knowledge that I have that Amy and Ryan will be reunited with their precious babies one day.


Amy's thoughts on Josh

I wanted to share with you Amy's blogs about Josh...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Perfect Angel: Joshua Ryan McKinney 11/9/08-11/19/08
I don't even know how to begin... For the first time in my life, I am speechless. How can I honor someone so perfect as my baby boy Joshua Ryan? I am so amazed at the impact this precious angel has made on so many. He has touched more lives in his short 10 days than many people do in a lifetime. I am so honored to say that he is my son. I can truly say that my baby boy was perfect. He never hurt anyone, he never told a lie, he never made a bad decision. He came into this world and defeated odd after odd. He made his prescence known and I am convinced that through this blog and the prayers of so many that he has brought someone closer to the Lord. He defintely brought me closer. I praise God for allowing me to be Josh's Mom!!! He trusted me with one of his most precious angel's and for a short time I was closer to heaven than anyone on this earth could ever come.

I posted a bible verse(Joshua 1:5) in a previous blog that I referred to as Josh's promise from God. I need to clarify something. God brought this verse to me, not to Josh. The promise was not for my son, but for myself. God had such an amazing plan for this little boy, and it was so far out of my minds grasp. He intended this little boy to change my life, not the other way around. And that is exactly what he did. Josh has made my whole life have purpose. I also know that my little girl will always have an incredible protector with her. Her little brother. He will always gaurd over her and keep her safe until we are all reunited as a family. In Joshua 1:5, God promised me, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." He has made that promise to all of us and if there is one lesson that my son could teach us is that God is the end all and he is perfect in all his plans. We do not have to understand his plans, we just need to rest assured that he will never leave us nor forsake us. He gives all of us perfect miracles, we just have to make sure we hold onto them forever, whether in life or in spirit.

I would like to share with everyone what my Mother wrote for Joshua:
Joshua Ryan McKinney
November 9, 2008 - November 19, 2008
Some people might argue that there isn't much that can be said about a person who's never talked, walked or worked. They may say that ten days on this earth is not enough time to make an impact on others, but I disagree with these people when it comes to Josh.
From the moment he was concieved, the doctors said that he was about a week smaller than his sister, Emma. Josh decided to not let that hold him back and to live his life to the fullest. His mom would tell me stories daily about his antics in the womb; rolling, flipping, tumbling, head-butting and kicking with his sister. He always hid his heartbeat from the nurses but was forth coming with his pasterior! He was energetic and a prankster.
When it was time for Josh and Emma to come into this world, he had a hard time coming out. The doctors told his parents that it was a true miracle that he survived birth. But, Josh knew better. Despite his bruising, that finally subsided, he began to thrive. On the fifth day, Josh surprised everyone by opening his eyes! The doctors said that this was abnormally early for someone as young as he was. I am sure that he wanted to see the world and the faces of his Mom and Dad who love him so dearly, and he loves back.
As after happens with such tiny little babies, something miscued within Josh's body. After a very serious operation that would certainly waylay a grown man for weeks, Josh faught valiantly against overwhelming physical odds. He never gave up until God, in His all-knowing love, wisdom and grace, told him it was alright to rest.
I believe that Josh has reminded us of some of life's most basic rules. To love and be loved; to live life with great energy; to make others lives happier with a good sense of humor; and to never give up until God says it's okay to do so. Although Josh will be so dearly missed by his Mom, Dad, sister and family; I think it is very important to mention Josh's last contribution. The story of Emma and Josh has reached out to literally thousands of people, through prayer requests, blogs, and even total strangers in Wal-Mart and BP. Through sharing his and his sisters story, so many people have been led closer to God. If only we could all hope to reach out to even a few in a lifetime. It only only took Josh ten too-short days!
I believe that Josh's spirit is now cheering Emma on as she continues her journey to come home with her Mom and Dad. I know he knows of the joys of God's Heaven and is hoping that all hearts will mend and that all will feel God's good grace at this time, and the years ahead. So, I will conclude this letter about Josh by saying that he was a blessing to us all and thank him for the impact he made on all our lives.
Love, Grammy Charlotte

Love and Prayers to All!!!
The McKinney's



Today was Josh's Memorial Service. Sorry for not posting anything about the arrangements or making anyone aware of the arrangements. Ryan and I have been having a really tough time and really wanted to keep it limited to family and close friends. It was a very touching memorial. Our pastor had a very good talk and he read aloud what my mother had written. (See previous blog) We also had one of my best friends, Courtney, sing "Silent Night". This song is not only special for it's obvious Christmas undertones, but this is the song that I sang to him every night before I would come home. I still sing it to my Emma, of course. Court - You did an incredible job and it meant mroe to me than you could ever know. I love you bunches!!! "Silent Night" was once one of my top two favorite Christmas songs and it has now cemented itself firmly as the TOP DOG song in any genre!!! The pastor also allowed for people to speak at will, and that was very special. We had several family members and some close friends say some very touching words about our Josh, Ryan and myself. It was a very precious ceremony and I am so thankful to all the wonderful people who were invloved today. I made a shadow box to honor our little man, Josh. I am sure that Heather will post some pictures soon, so please feel free to pop over to her page, and I will try to get them copied over to mine as soon as possible.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Joshua Ryan McKinney

November 9, 2008 - November 19, 2008


Little Josh passed away last night.

I know that Josh is with his Heavenly Father and has been perfected in Him. He is a special boy and all he needed was a body, and now when Amy gets him back he will be big and perfect!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Pinch me... I Must be Dreaming

Ever since Jackson was born, he has been a FANTASTIC sleeper. Its not something I ever bragged about a whole lot because I knew how lucky I was. I will take a little bit of credit for it.., I did work very hard to get him on and keep him on a sleeping schedule. I knew it would make for a happier baby which would in turn make a happier mommy!



From the very beginning he was so good. Never woke up more than once a night



He would sleep anywhere and sleep through anything.





He always went to sleep happy




And woke up happy.
When he first came home from the hospital, he never woke up more than once a night, slept atleast 12 hours a night by the time he was 7 weeks old, and always took really good naps.


Everyone always told me how lucky I was and I always agreed.


Even once I was pregnant with Caroline and he was sleeping in his "big-boy bed" he never came out of his room. I would wake up around 8:00 and then go into his room to get him out of bed.

Then Caroline came home from hospital... and although I had a baby who slept really well again, my toddler began to think that it would be fun to wake up at 5:00 every morning and not take a nap. Why was it that my brand new baby was sleeping better and longer than my two year old?
I know that doesn't sound that bad, I mean I used to work full time... get up at 6:00 every morning, go to bed late and be just fine. But let me tell you... watching kids is hard and it really takes it out of you. So much more than working full time did.
For weeks I have gotten up at 5:00 or earlier, foufht with him for two hours to take a nap, and then spend the evenings walking him in and out of his room trying to talk him into going to bed.
And then yesterday, it happened... I woke up at ...get ready for it... drumroll please... 7:00 am all by myself... no one tugging on my covers at 5:15! Excitement, elation, wonderment, etc.
Then, this morning it happened again! Two days in a row! I'm pinching myself! And hopefully not jinxing myself. We'll see what happens!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Laughing...

Caroline loves to laugh, alot. It is so cute!

Here it is play, by play...

its coming...


get ready for it...


And there it is!!!


She also makes her big brother Jackson laugh alot, too. He thinks that everything she does is hysterical.
How cute are they?!

Family Fun

Last week, Kelly and Ava came with Papa and Grandma to visit us. We had so much fun!!!

We played alot and even did some fun things with the kids.

We went to the zoo...

We also made...


and ate, some cute "pilgrim hat" cookies.

But it seems like what we did the most was... eat... ALOT!
It is so much fun as the kids get older, to all get together and watch them goof off. We are so excited to have Papa and Grandma all to ourselves for the next couple of months while they are in Dad's house during the selling process. We will take full advantage of having them here! :)
It was so fun having Kelly and Ava here. We definitely need to do it more often!

Amy Update...

I thought the best way to keep everyone updated on Amy and the babies is to post the entries that Amy makes to her blog since things can change so quickly. Just in the last week and-a-half things have changed so much...



Friday, November 14, 2008

November 9, 2008 - Early Arrivals!!!
In September 2001, when our country was going through one of it's most trying times, I was in the midst of falling in love with this incredible man. He was my friend first. He was someone that I confided in about troubles at school and in other relationships and in return I was his ear to turn too about work and girls. Then, he became my best friend. The one person that I wanted to share every minute of my day with, no matter how boring or insignificant it may have been. Then he became my boyfriend. He became the man that I started to picture myself marrying and having children with. On December 16, 2006 he became my husband. He became my strength and my weakness. He is the one person that can push my buttons to new limits and still make me love him more and more. He is the one person who can make me smile when the world feels like it is crumbling around me. On Novermber 9, 2008 he became the father of the two most precious things in my world. Over the past week I have felt so many feelings; some that I am sure every woman feels after becoming a mother and some that I cannot even begin to describe or express. Despite my wild ups and downs I have had one constant through it all and that is Ryan. I have never loved my husband more than I do right now. He is my comfort and my strength and it is only fitting to begin this blog with a big THANK YOU to him!!! I love you so much baby and I am so blessed to have you in my life!!!
As many of you know, Ryan and I have had quite a time over the past few months. First with becoming pregnant and then with trying to stay pregnant. I have blogged each weeks events and I have been blessed to have so many people read them and then keep my children and I in their prayers. I know there is no way that we could have made it this far without the prayers of the countless family, friends and strangers in our lives. God created these two beings for something truly great and I am so overwhelmingly humbled to know that I am their mother. Thank you so much everyone for loving us all as much as you have and for all your continued prayers as we continue this journey to bring these two blessings home!!!
In replace of my undoubtly awesome week 24 blog, many people found "Aunt Erin's Blog" announcing the birth of our twins. A little different than I had hoped for, but they are here now, and there are so many new things happening everyday!!!
On November 9, 2008 Emma Grace McKinney was born at 5:24am by cesearan delivery. She weighed 1.4 pounds and was 12 1/2 inches long. Her brother came 5 minutes later at 5:29am and weighed 1.35 pounds and was 11 1/2 inches long. Ryan got to see them in their earliest moments and I was allowed to peak in at them as they were rolled off to the NICU. I remember wondering, as I laid there on the operating table, if I would ever get to see them again. That was a very scary and troubling thought... I am greatful and happy to report that I have been so blessed to get to see them everyday since!!! And everyday, they get better and better!!! They have each had their own very specific bumps and bruises, but they are both currently fairly stable.
Emma has been the more constant baby. She has considerably good skin for a preemie born this early. She was breathing at an oxegyn level of 21%(room air) by the end of day 1. Her blood sugar levels and blood pressure have come to an even standing point and she was introduced to breast milk for the first time today. She has gained 2 oz. in the last 5 days and is continuing to look a little better with each passing day. She is still considered very sick and is by no means out of the woods, but everyday that passes she comes closer and closer to coming home. The doctors are obviously optimistic with us, but they always remind us that babies morn this early are hour by hour cases. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs and we need to remmber that and be prepared for a long road ahead.
Josh has unfortunately faced a harder battle than his sister. When we delivered, he was developmentally smaller than 24 weeks, which means the fact that he survived the first day at all is a true miracle!!! He was originally at almost 100% oxegyn levels, but he has since been able to join his sister down in the 20% area, which is great. As the pattern continues; his blood sugar levels and blood pressure have been a lot harder to maintain but they are starting to even out. The doctor feels that he will be entirely off of insulin within the next day. His largest battle is the fact that he has something known as Intraventricular Hemorrhage(IVH). There are 4 different grade levels associated with this. The main complications come with grades III and IV. Some complications include the baby's head growing more rapidly than normal, pressure on the baby's brain, slow mental development, problems with motor skills, seizures, poor hand/eye coordination and comprehension issues with math and reading. Yesterday afternoon the doctor informed us that Josh's brain scans showed a grade III hemorrhage. As anyone can imagine, this was a devistating blow to the incredible amounts of hope that we had become so comfortable with. I cried a lot, and then some more... I blamed myself, blamed a few others, then myself again. Then, after some more tears and a very stressful evening - I prayed!!! I prayed every second that my mind thought to do so...
I arrived at the hospital today to visit Josh and Emma and their neonatal specialist, Dr. Ransom, came and saw me yet again. He explained that he was not comfortable with the information that he had given us yesterday, so he and another Radiologist reviewed Joshua's scan last night and they have determined that it is closer to a Grade II bleed rather than a Grade III. When he told me this, I wanted to lose it right then. It may not have been a full turn around, but God saved my son last night!!! He put it in on that doctors heart to review the file and determine that Josh is better off than originally anticipated. He is going to have another scan performed on Monday, and I am praying that God has even more miracles in store for this little boy. If not, that is okay too. I am a very strong woman and God made me that way for a reason... I may cry and I may get blue, but I know that it is all in his perfect hands!!!
I have heard so many people say that you never truly understand the love that your parents have for you until you become one. I can second that on so many accounts. However, becoming a mother has also given me a much stronger appreciation for God's love for us also. I think about how much I love those two little babies and how every moment my heart aches knowing that I cannot pick them up or kiss their little hands. Knowing that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to take their pain away. All I can do is stand there... If I have that kind of love in me, imagine how God must love us... Imagine how helpless he must feel when he see's us go a stray... Imagine how his heart aches when he can't touch us and speak to us... It is such an overwhelming thought!!! I am so thankful that God has blessed me with these two perfect gifts of absolute purity and love. I am so thankful that he has opened my heart more in the last 5 days than I ever thougth it could open. And I am so thankful that God loves those children even more than Ryan and I do!!! It's like Ryan said, "God gave us a little girl and a little boy and he gave my body the strength to hold on to those babies until they could be brought into the world and have a chance to survive. He has great plans for them and there is no need for us to worry."
I am going to continue my weekly blog to let everyone know how Emma and Josh are doing. I ask that everyone continue to keep these two precious children in your prayers. That is the one thing that I, as a mother, can do for them right now. I can rally all the prayers and love that one person can handle and I can give it to them!!!
Thank you Again!!!
Love and Prayers
Amy, Ryan, Emma and Josh :)


Monday, November 17, 2008

More Prayers Needed!!!
Hello Everyone
It was very clearly explained to Ryan and I that our children were going to have their good days and their bad days. Unfortunately, after two good days, we are back to a bad day.
Yesterday we learned that Josh's PDA has reopened. PDA is an artery that runs from his heart to his lungs. In full term babies this artery closes off once the baby takes its first big breath. Since preemie babies don't get that first big breath, this can happen. It is not an uncommon occurence and the doctors seem very hopeful that they can start him on a medicine known as Indocin and that should close it back up. However, since he is a super preemie, he cannot start this medicine for several days and then it is only if all the blood cultures show that his kidneys can handle it. If it can, we'll start the medicine and hope it works. If not, he will have to br transfered to Baptist Hospital. This would be the worse case scenario and we want to avoid this at all cost. I know that the only true pediatrician watching over these babies is GOD!!! I will leave it up to him to determine the course of treatment he wants Josh to follow.
I ask that everyone continue to keep this special little boy in your prayers. He is fighting a much harder battle than we would like for him to face, but he is a strong little man and I know he will fight back with all he has!!!
Also, I know that Josh has been more discussed recently because of his IVH and now the PDA, but Emma still needs tons of prayers too!!! She is no where near being out of the woods yet, but I am thankful that she seems to be a little more constant in her progression.
Love and Prayers,
Amy, Ryan, Emma and Josh :)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Josh is moving to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem.
Josh has developed a new concern in his abdonbemn(not sure of spelling). At 3:00am on Tuesday, he is being trasported to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem so that he can cared for by their NICU. I will update once I know more...
My hope is in need of a big boost right now - please pray more than ever that my little boy will be okay... I am not ready to deal with any other outcome.
Lov and Prayers,
Amy

I'm a Dork

I love, love, love the show "Jon & Kate plus 8" on TLC. I feel like I know them as I'm sure everyone who watches the show does.

Well, today was the topper!

They have been doing a whole month of shows surrounding their trip to Hawaii to renew theri wedding vows. I was watching the show this morning that I had DVR'd last night and when Kate was walking toward Jon with all the kids in their wedding outfits, I found myself crying.

Thats reality TV at its best, my friend. :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Just for fun

Three more days until "Twilight" is upon us... I know I'm a dork, but I thought I would take this fun little quiz to see which character I would be...
You are thoughtful and care very deeply for your family. A loving home is of great importance to you and you always try to make people feel welcome. Although you have a great capacity to love, you also have a great capacity to hurt, so at times you can be sensitive. You're firm when you need to be, but people trust your judgment and appreciate the kind way you always handle things.