Friday, November 14, 2008
November 9, 2008 - Early Arrivals!!!
In September 2001, when our country was going through one of it's most trying times, I was in the midst of falling in love with this incredible man. He was my friend first. He was someone that I confided in about troubles at school and in other relationships and in return I was his ear to turn too about work and girls. Then, he became my best friend. The one person that I wanted to share every minute of my day with, no matter how boring or insignificant it may have been. Then he became my boyfriend. He became the man that I started to picture myself marrying and having children with. On December 16, 2006 he became my husband. He became my strength and my weakness. He is the one person that can push my buttons to new limits and still make me love him more and more. He is the one person who can make me smile when the world feels like it is crumbling around me. On Novermber 9, 2008 he became the father of the two most precious things in my world. Over the past week I have felt so many feelings; some that I am sure every woman feels after becoming a mother and some that I cannot even begin to describe or express. Despite my wild ups and downs I have had one constant through it all and that is Ryan. I have never loved my husband more than I do right now. He is my comfort and my strength and it is only fitting to begin this blog with a big THANK YOU to him!!! I love you so much baby and I am so blessed to have you in my life!!!
As many of you know, Ryan and I have had quite a time over the past few months. First with becoming pregnant and then with trying to stay pregnant. I have blogged each weeks events and I have been blessed to have so many people read them and then keep my children and I in their prayers. I know there is no way that we could have made it this far without the prayers of the countless family, friends and strangers in our lives. God created these two beings for something truly great and I am so overwhelmingly humbled to know that I am their mother. Thank you so much everyone for loving us all as much as you have and for all your continued prayers as we continue this journey to bring these two blessings home!!!
In replace of my undoubtly awesome week 24 blog, many people found "Aunt Erin's Blog" announcing the birth of our twins. A little different than I had hoped for, but they are here now, and there are so many new things happening everyday!!!
On November 9, 2008 Emma Grace McKinney was born at 5:24am by cesearan delivery. She weighed 1.4 pounds and was 12 1/2 inches long. Her brother came 5 minutes later at 5:29am and weighed 1.35 pounds and was 11 1/2 inches long. Ryan got to see them in their earliest moments and I was allowed to peak in at them as they were rolled off to the NICU. I remember wondering, as I laid there on the operating table, if I would ever get to see them again. That was a very scary and troubling thought... I am greatful and happy to report that I have been so blessed to get to see them everyday since!!! And everyday, they get better and better!!! They have each had their own very specific bumps and bruises, but they are both currently fairly stable.
Emma has been the more constant baby. She has considerably good skin for a preemie born this early. She was breathing at an oxegyn level of 21%(room air) by the end of day 1. Her blood sugar levels and blood pressure have come to an even standing point and she was introduced to breast milk for the first time today. She has gained 2 oz. in the last 5 days and is continuing to look a little better with each passing day. She is still considered very sick and is by no means out of the woods, but everyday that passes she comes closer and closer to coming home. The doctors are obviously optimistic with us, but they always remind us that babies morn this early are hour by hour cases. There are going to be a lot of ups and downs and we need to remmber that and be prepared for a long road ahead.
Josh has unfortunately faced a harder battle than his sister. When we delivered, he was developmentally smaller than 24 weeks, which means the fact that he survived the first day at all is a true miracle!!! He was originally at almost 100% oxegyn levels, but he has since been able to join his sister down in the 20% area, which is great. As the pattern continues; his blood sugar levels and blood pressure have been a lot harder to maintain but they are starting to even out. The doctor feels that he will be entirely off of insulin within the next day. His largest battle is the fact that he has something known as Intraventricular Hemorrhage(IVH). There are 4 different grade levels associated with this. The main complications come with grades III and IV. Some complications include the baby's head growing more rapidly than normal, pressure on the baby's brain, slow mental development, problems with motor skills, seizures, poor hand/eye coordination and comprehension issues with math and reading. Yesterday afternoon the doctor informed us that Josh's brain scans showed a grade III hemorrhage. As anyone can imagine, this was a devistating blow to the incredible amounts of hope that we had become so comfortable with. I cried a lot, and then some more... I blamed myself, blamed a few others, then myself again. Then, after some more tears and a very stressful evening - I prayed!!! I prayed every second that my mind thought to do so...
I arrived at the hospital today to visit Josh and Emma and their neonatal specialist, Dr. Ransom, came and saw me yet again. He explained that he was not comfortable with the information that he had given us yesterday, so he and another Radiologist reviewed Joshua's scan last night and they have determined that it is closer to a Grade II bleed rather than a Grade III. When he told me this, I wanted to lose it right then. It may not have been a full turn around, but God saved my son last night!!! He put it in on that doctors heart to review the file and determine that Josh is better off than originally anticipated. He is going to have another scan performed on Monday, and I am praying that God has even more miracles in store for this little boy. If not, that is okay too. I am a very strong woman and God made me that way for a reason... I may cry and I may get blue, but I know that it is all in his perfect hands!!!
I have heard so many people say that you never truly understand the love that your parents have for you until you become one. I can second that on so many accounts. However, becoming a mother has also given me a much stronger appreciation for God's love for us also. I think about how much I love those two little babies and how every moment my heart aches knowing that I cannot pick them up or kiss their little hands. Knowing that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to take their pain away. All I can do is stand there... If I have that kind of love in me, imagine how God must love us... Imagine how helpless he must feel when he see's us go a stray... Imagine how his heart aches when he can't touch us and speak to us... It is such an overwhelming thought!!! I am so thankful that God has blessed me with these two perfect gifts of absolute purity and love. I am so thankful that he has opened my heart more in the last 5 days than I ever thougth it could open. And I am so thankful that God loves those children even more than Ryan and I do!!! It's like Ryan said, "God gave us a little girl and a little boy and he gave my body the strength to hold on to those babies until they could be brought into the world and have a chance to survive. He has great plans for them and there is no need for us to worry."
I am going to continue my weekly blog to let everyone know how Emma and Josh are doing. I ask that everyone continue to keep these two precious children in your prayers. That is the one thing that I, as a mother, can do for them right now. I can rally all the prayers and love that one person can handle and I can give it to them!!!
Thank you Again!!!
Love and Prayers
Amy, Ryan, Emma and Josh :)
Monday, November 17, 2008
More Prayers Needed!!!
Hello Everyone
It was very clearly explained to Ryan and I that our children were going to have their good days and their bad days. Unfortunately, after two good days, we are back to a bad day.
Yesterday we learned that Josh's PDA has reopened. PDA is an artery that runs from his heart to his lungs. In full term babies this artery closes off once the baby takes its first big breath. Since preemie babies don't get that first big breath, this can happen. It is not an uncommon occurence and the doctors seem very hopeful that they can start him on a medicine known as Indocin and that should close it back up. However, since he is a super preemie, he cannot start this medicine for several days and then it is only if all the blood cultures show that his kidneys can handle it. If it can, we'll start the medicine and hope it works. If not, he will have to br transfered to Baptist Hospital. This would be the worse case scenario and we want to avoid this at all cost. I know that the only true pediatrician watching over these babies is GOD!!! I will leave it up to him to determine the course of treatment he wants Josh to follow.
I ask that everyone continue to keep this special little boy in your prayers. He is fighting a much harder battle than we would like for him to face, but he is a strong little man and I know he will fight back with all he has!!!
Also, I know that Josh has been more discussed recently because of his IVH and now the PDA, but Emma still needs tons of prayers too!!! She is no where near being out of the woods yet, but I am thankful that she seems to be a little more constant in her progression.
Love and Prayers,
Amy, Ryan, Emma and Josh :)
More Prayers Needed!!!
Hello Everyone
It was very clearly explained to Ryan and I that our children were going to have their good days and their bad days. Unfortunately, after two good days, we are back to a bad day.
Yesterday we learned that Josh's PDA has reopened. PDA is an artery that runs from his heart to his lungs. In full term babies this artery closes off once the baby takes its first big breath. Since preemie babies don't get that first big breath, this can happen. It is not an uncommon occurence and the doctors seem very hopeful that they can start him on a medicine known as Indocin and that should close it back up. However, since he is a super preemie, he cannot start this medicine for several days and then it is only if all the blood cultures show that his kidneys can handle it. If it can, we'll start the medicine and hope it works. If not, he will have to br transfered to Baptist Hospital. This would be the worse case scenario and we want to avoid this at all cost. I know that the only true pediatrician watching over these babies is GOD!!! I will leave it up to him to determine the course of treatment he wants Josh to follow.
I ask that everyone continue to keep this special little boy in your prayers. He is fighting a much harder battle than we would like for him to face, but he is a strong little man and I know he will fight back with all he has!!!
Also, I know that Josh has been more discussed recently because of his IVH and now the PDA, but Emma still needs tons of prayers too!!! She is no where near being out of the woods yet, but I am thankful that she seems to be a little more constant in her progression.
Love and Prayers,
Amy, Ryan, Emma and Josh :)
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Josh is moving to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem.
Josh has developed a new concern in his abdonbemn(not sure of spelling). At 3:00am on Tuesday, he is being trasported to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem so that he can cared for by their NICU. I will update once I know more...
My hope is in need of a big boost right now - please pray more than ever that my little boy will be okay... I am not ready to deal with any other outcome.
Lov and Prayers,
Amy
Josh is moving to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem.
Josh has developed a new concern in his abdonbemn(not sure of spelling). At 3:00am on Tuesday, he is being trasported to Baptist Hospital in Winston-Salem so that he can cared for by their NICU. I will update once I know more...
My hope is in need of a big boost right now - please pray more than ever that my little boy will be okay... I am not ready to deal with any other outcome.
Lov and Prayers,
Amy
2 comments:
Please tell Amy that my prayers and thoughts are with her and her husband. If there is anything I can do let me know. Watch the kids so you can spend time with her, take her a meal, whatever.
Thank you, that is so nice! I'll definitely let you know.
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