Why is it, that as women, in different stages and phases in our lives, and in different circumstances, we judge those around us in different circumstances than our own, especially as mothers? Aren't we all just doing the best we can?
I am a Stay At Home Mom... I capitalize that because it is a job... the best one, but also the hardest one I've ever had. I did work full time before I had kids, and I have a wonderful mother who worked full time our whole lives. I have friends who work, and friends who stay home. I feel that due to these different experiences in my life, I have seen the whole spectrum, and have appreciation for the circumstances that women and mothers find themselves in. I know that I have been looked at by people with no kids like I have a cushy life because I don't go to work all day. I also know that I can get more done in a day than people I know that do work outside the home, and I don't get to "go home" and the end of a long day. I also know that there are days when I would gladly go to work just to have adult thoughts and conversations. And I know that those who work have days when they would gladly trade places with me.
See... we really do all work hard, and you super moms out there who do it all... my hat goes off to you. But please, those of you without children, that work full time, don't think that I am any less busy or that I get anymore time to myself than you do.
Can't we all just get along?! :)
The article form the Post is as follows...
Its a type of Q&A column, and I was actually a little shocked that someone really asked this question for real!
Carolyn:
Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . . Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.
Tacoma, Wash.
Relax and enjoy. You're funny.
Or you're lying about having friends with kids.
Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.
Internet searches?
I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard.
To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.
So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.
It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.
It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.
It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise.
It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.
It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.
It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.
3 comments:
I am so glad that author put that lady in her place! Who is she to judge what she doesn't know! It's hard to find time to yourself, let alone send an email or keep up a blog!
And I loved your comments, too! Can't we all just get along! :)
Can I get an AMEN!!! I cant wait for that lady and others to have kids and join me on my "vacation"!
Being a mother is the hardest job you'll ever have - regardless of how you're doing it. Women should spend more time supporting one another rather than criticizing one another.
Mom
Post a Comment